Sunday, August 20th 1995
Let me start with yesterday. I slept in until 9:30. I hung around until and then I babysat until 1 a.m. It was only supposed to be until 11, but they missed the party bus back to Clearwater. I had fun I guess. I made $30. I needed money to pay off my Spanish translator* and Reba CD. I went to church, talked to Mari and rearranaged my room. Katie, a girl in my youth group, mother died of stomach cancer. No one knew about it. Did I mention that when Jon called he said I was the nicest person he’d met in a long time? He also remembered I love yellow roses. He said he missed me. I’m so nervous about starting high school it is not funny. At least Mari is in typing with me and Sarah G will be in my English and Critical Thinking skills and Geometry classes witbh me. They’re my friends. I hope I meet and make new friends. I also hope Ryan is there. I don’t like him but he’s cool n-all. I need friends. I saw Eric M and Jeremy D at the parent orientation. I didn’t see Aaron there, I wonder if he still lives here. I doubt if any of those guys will wanna be friends with me. Who knows?
I already have everything planned out: my clothes, beauty supplies, and school stuff. I have swimming directly after school. Krissie B will take me to it and then to church afterwards. I bet I won’t have a social life whatsoever. I don’t want to go to school. High school scares me. I’m very afraid. I hope my guardian angel will be with me. I hate swimming. It’s not my sport but oh well. We rearranged my room. It’s nice I guess. I can’t wait until Jon writes me back.
I just talked to Mari (via a phone). We planned where we were going to meet and all that good stuff. There is a 7-11 in my high school. We have Coke machines in every hall. It is cool, but I’m nervous!!
Friday, August 18th, 1995
Last night’s entry was weird. For some reason I had to write that. Now I’m happy. I called Mari and we talked for 45 minutes. Then Jon called. Yes, my Jon of Raliegh, North Carolina called me. We talked for one hour and 20 minutes! I can’t believe he called. We talked about sports and school, friends, and everything else. He wrestles and makes pretty good grades. I love his voice! I am still in shock that he called! Thank God! I asked him why he hasn’t written and he said he had been at camp (they went rock climbing) and he had a picture taken in is waiting to have them developed but he remembered me. He remembered I love yellow roses. I’m going to give him a nickname when I think of one. He said I was the nicest person he’d met in awhile. He said he missed me. We talked about music. He likes Live, Green Day. I told him about Allison Krauss and our song being nominated for CMA awards.
I had swim team practice today. We were timed in the 100 and two 500’s. I was the slowest out of everyone. I felt bad. Swimming isn’t my sport. Maybe softball is. Who knows? Guess what? David Justice hit his 17th homerun tonight. I was so happy. My sister babysat Josh today while I was at swimming. I babysit him tomorrow from 2-11. Last night I had another Largo orientation. It was BORING!
August 17th, 1995
I am so upset I could cry! It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t gotten a response from Jon. Ashley wrote me on Tuesday and Val wrote me today. I babysat at the church nursery Tuesday night from 6:30-8:30. Gabrielle, Cody and Sidney were there. I had fun. I have 67 volunteer hours. Swimming has been fun. I missed it on Monday because I had a Largo High Orientation. That was fun. I saw Mari and met and made some new friends including a guy named Ryan. He is cute and short and has an earring. But he is nice and I had to sit in his lap for a game thing we did. But he is sweet and that was good. There are some really fine guys at Largo. I saw where my classes would be. Mari and I walked around the school. Largo isn’t that big and it is neat. You can eat in the courtyard. On Tuesday I had practice. My coach wasn’t there, but the male helper person wa. He is cute. I’ll go into detail tomorrow about the rest of the week and swimming.
Right now I’m upset at Mommy and Daddy is mad at me. My life is a mess and a disappointment. I wish I could run away.
Saturday, August 12th, 1995
I didn’t get any mail today. That got me down. As you can see I’m looking forward to a response from Jon and everyone else- the letters they write give me a sense of comfort. I don’t know if I’m honestly in love with Jon. I think I am. I hope I am, I wish I am. It must feel so awesome to fall in love. I hope I do fall in love with him. I wonder if he thinks of me? I think of him. I have dreams about him. Just of seeing him and running into his arms or having him hold me.in his arms and dance or even have him play his guitar and sing to me. I’m babysitting Travis tonight. He is adorable. Right now he is in bed. I saw Jennifer A while Travis and I went for a walk. I can’t stand her. One, she competition in babysitting, the other is she is hard to get along with. I got YM magazine. It is a magazine for teens. It is rad.
August 11th, 1995
I’m sitting/ writing in the corner of my own room! We painted it a peachy color, but I think it looks more off white. I have green/ pink rose curtains, a green bedspread, a huge bulletin board, flowers, little rose knobs on my closet. I also put my dream catcher over my bed. We’re going to buy me a double bed, a desk, nightstand, and we’re building a bookcase. My room is still a little messy and it looks empty.
Swim practice started on Monday (today is Friday). I have officially 9 days until high school starts. I’m nervous. Swimming is hard. We practice from 11-1 everyday (except weekends until school starts) then 3-5 after school. Saturday practices are at 8.m. I’m sore and a little red. I’ve met some nice people. I like the breaststroke best. I have thought about Jon a lot lately. I miss him and I think about him all the time. I got a letter from him on Saturday when I got home. I guess he is away at camp because I haven’t heard from him. I mailed him a letter a week ago. I tried to make him a vocal letter but it didn’t work out. I sounded weird. But I am making one for Valerie. That one doesn’t sound so weird. I know mom read my diary. Sure I’m mad but there’s no way I can change it except never leave it out again.
In all the people I meet. see I see Jon in them. If they smile or hug me I think of him. If I look into a guy’s eyes or they smile at me, I see Jon. I’m in love with him. He knows it, I might see a guy and be attracted to him but my heart beats true for one person only. That person is Jon of Raleigh, North Carolina. He plays guitar and piano and helps his dad build onto their house. Jon is a family name. His dad is Jon and so on. He is perfect (for me at least). I’ve only seen him once, but I’m still devoted to him. His letters (I’ve gotten 3) mean a lot.
Oh yeah, I’m a helper for bible school at church. The little kids are active but they are all cute and sweet.
Okay it’s 10:38 at night. I just finished listening to “When You Say Nothing at All” by Allison Krauss and the Union Station and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” by the Lion King. Those happen to be 2 of the songs Jon and I danced to. They were the last two before he gave me my first kiss. In my mind I was still dancing with Jon. In my mind I was still at Lutheridge. I sometimes live in the past. I pretend that I’m still with Jon. 6 weeks ago I met Jon. 6 weeks ago I got my first kiss. Six weeks ago I fell in love with the most wonderful guy in the world! Hopefully I’ll receive a letter from him tomorrow. I can’t get him off my mind. I miss him. I’m thinking of him. Do I sound like I’m obsessed with him? All I know is that I really like him. Susan, my counselor, liked a guy at Lutheridge but wouldn’t tell us what male counselor it was but now they’re seeing each other. I think she said Matthew something. If he is who I think he is, he was a PA counselor. I’ll have to ask Karen when she gets back from Nana and Papa’s. I’d better go. I’m tired.
PS- I’m in love with Jon
I love Jon!
August 4th, 1995
I swam 42 laps today and went out on the boat. That was fun. I like the wind in my hair and the spray of the water. I didn’t want to drive it because it scares me. I didn’t wear a life jacket. Mommy would be mad if she found out. Just like T and I went on a bike ride today along the roads and side streets. I rode Papa’s bike without a helmet. Last night I had Papa’s pipe in my mouth and I breathed it in and it tasted like tobacco. Papa offered to light it but I said no. I’m never going to smoke ever. Tomorrow I go home. My sister will come up in the middle of next week. I’m going to clean my new room and buy new furniture. Last night we went out to eat and to Walmart. I mailed letters to Jon and Megan. I bought cat stationary and envelopes. Papa paid me a dollar to go up and get seconds of dessert. Right now I’m sitting on the floor watching TV. On Tuesday I saw Clueless with T. Nana dropped us off and left. When it was over we had no adult with us. I have never been dropped off at the movies before.
My parents were super strict.
One of my most favorite things about my grandfather, was that he wasn constantly paying me a dollar to do things like eat a second dessert or guess his middle name.
August 3rd, 1995
Okay, the hurricane didn’t hit us. But we had a lot of rain in Clearwater. In Homosassa the water didn’t even come up. Nana and Papa had a bunch of branches fall. But I honestly don’t want to talk about the hurricane right now. Sure I had fun. Like I went swimming in the rain and I’m sleeping in the camper, but the hurricane hit Alabama or something. And there’s another storm in the Caribbean I’ll let you if it hits.
What I want to talk about is falling in love. How do you know when you are falling in love? I guess you feel it. I’m not sure I’ve felt it. Or I think I may have. Like now. All I know is I like Jon. Really like him. But I don’t know if it’s love. Sure I say I love him, and in my letters to him I tell him I love him. But do I really feel it? I also wonder if when people say they love or like you if they’re just saying it or is it true? I mean I don’t think I’ve ever actually fallen in love. But I have had crushes and I’ve thought I was in love but never was. I wonder if I’m in love with Jon and if I’m ever going to fall in love. I’m subject to change my mind like I think I like a guy or have a crush on him but then the next day I don’t. I guess I’m only attracted to guys. I wish I would be swept off my feet. I’d love it if a guy brushed my hair or played with it, if he kissed my forehead or my hand . I’d like him to caress my hand and have him run his hand along my hand or trace my face. I’d love to dance in the rain or be swept into someone’s arms and spun around. I want someone to send me flowers for no reason or have a guy write me poetry or songs. I’d love to be sung to.
I have a dream or fantasy that I’ll see Jon at my high school and he picked me up and he held me in his arms. He would spin me around and kiss me. He would give me flowers and say I love you. Or that I see him at Lutheridge and I run to him and hug him and he’d kiss me and say I love you. Or we’d be walking/ hiking at Lutheridge, he’d pic a wildflower and give it to me to carry or put it behind my ear and say, “a pretty flower for a pretty girl.” Or else we’d be in front of my cabin and he’d kiss me goodnight. It’d be gentle and soft. Or he’d hold me close in front of a fire and sing me a song. Or even ask me to sow dance to a fast song at a dance. I want to be crazy in love. I want to be swept into his arms and have him say, I love you, Danielle or Char. I doubt any of this will happen. Maybe I’ll see him again. I know I’ll keep these dreams inside my head and pretend they’re real. No one knows this but me and you.
This is what I want-love. I want to fall in love with Jon. I wish on every star that I’ll fall in love with him.
August 1, 1995
Okay there’s a hurricane (Erin) and it’s going to hit the FL (the Tampa Bay area). I’m scared to death. I’m at Nana and Papa’s. We’ll have to evacute tomorrow. I’m so tired so I’ll write tomorrow.
Okay it’s Wednesday. Erin is a tropical storm. It won’t be going through Tampa Bay but farther up. It ptobably won’t hit here in Homossassa. But as we were fixing the shop (moving stuff, sweeping) there were strong winds, enough to blow me away. And rain. But the wind was causing stuff to fall from the trees. I had to get up at 7:15 yesterday. I saw Clueless with Tina. She came over and we hung out and then helped Nana and Papa put up storm shutters up and threw the pool chairs into the pool. When we got back from the cabin last Sunday, well two the two Sundays ago I had 10 letters including one from Jon. It was 3 pages and I wrote him back. The Braves game was fun but MARTA scared me and we had to buy tickets off scalpers and the game was sold out. We missed the first two innings. We sat in centerfield, the upper deckl We moved around 4 times. The Braves won. The beach weekend was fun. We had a toga party and I got thrown in the ocean. We built sand people (Lindsey, Luka, Josh, and David and me) hung out together. I also got my own room. But more on that later when I am home.
Friday, July 21st 1995
Three weeks ago tonioght I met, fell in love with, and had my first kiss from Jon. Wow. I’m keeping track. The Delgado’s are back and my sister is palying with Steven. We saw two snakes in the creek. I sat on the porch and thought about Jon and camp and about next year if I see him again at camp. I know it sounds pathetic-all the things I’ve written in here about John, but as you see I really like him. Tomorrow is the Braves game, then on Sunday we go home to Florida! I’ll get to see Willow, Charcoal, and see if I got mail from my friend from camp.
I never realized that my eyes are green-gold and my heair gets a reddish tint to it every now and then. We went to a craft fair and shopped. I got these name keychains for Val and me and a Braves shirt (David Justice #23). At a hardware store we went to this old guy followed me around to make sure I didn’t steal anything. Like I’d steal anything. I mean get a life! Got 2 go.
Ps-My sister gave me beef jerky.
I think the PS-Beef Jerky thing was so important because I was supposed to be a vegetarian.