Mike- 2nd Chance
You had time to pull your shit together
So why do you return to your asshole tendencies?
Do you enjoy driving me back to beer and cigeettes?
At least I know they’ll always be there
One of these days you’ll wake up
and realize I was the best thing ever to happen to you
and you screwed up
Funny how I thought you might be worth saving
and I sacrficed myself in the process
This doesn’t so much feel like a poem but rather an open letter. Man was I angry.
Liz Phair never said
anything about him
Instead her songs eluded to
what my thoughts were exactly
Anne Sexton was an infamous mistress
she washed off like watercolor
Sometimes I think he is the grime on my car
three weeks thick that the rain can’t erase
Song lyrics and lines from poems
compare nothing to the silence
on the other end of the phone
This was about Mike, my sophomore year in college boyfriend. It was one of those on-again, off-again relationships that was so tumultuous I had to stop talking about it to my friends because they would murder me. Even two years after the breakup he still haunted me.
The Anne Sexton poem I am referring to is my my favorite called “For My Lover Returning to His Wife.” I read it so many times that I still have it memorized over a decade later.
I found out through Facebook recently that an ex-boyfriend who I haven’t spoken to in about 13 years got married. I’m super happy for him. Coincidentally, today’s bad poem was written shortly after our breakup.
I cannot remember
the last word
on the day
I cannot remember
the feeling of
Notes: The terrible line breaks are back! I seriously had no rhythm.
Untitled (date unknown)
Why can’t I get over you
you’re a thorn in my side-
the pebble in my shoe
I’m dwelling in melancholy
listening to sad songs
plotting my revenge
I really wish I knew when this was from so I could figure which high school boyfriend this was about.
Untitled (July 1999)
These are still about that same boy. You can also read a flash fiction short story loosely based on the breakup on Figment.com.
I miss my lover
my crazy, crazy lover
who can seduce me with his smile
I don’t mind parked cars in empty lots
or making love only in socks in November
Anything is heaven when he is here.
Untitled (July 1999)
It was a rainy Monday
when you told me the news
I was hurt
I was confused
:Things aren’t working out”
I said, “Is there someone else?”
You didn’t answer
just looked away
Funny how I knew the truth anyway
I must have been blind
I must have been deaf
I didn’t notice
until you left
come back home
Don’t leave me here alone
She doesn’t know you
Like I do
She doesn’t love you
like I do
She may be your angel
but that doesn’t mean my life
should be a living hell
Remember that boy from the previous poems? Eventually he broke my heart.
In honor of National Bad Poetry Day, here is a gem of mine from 1999.
Remembering (c. 1999)
This was actually published in my high school literary journal.
Looking back through
the looking glass
my reflection reminds me
of my naivete
but all was lost when I
fell from the sky
drunk on love
high on life
and like all fallen angels
I made the mistake
a deadly choice
I lost my heart to the Ace of Hearts
funny how I fell apart
when he left me standing on the side
of the road
out of the clear blue sky
came my knight in his
whole stole my hear for a summer ride
love was the warm wind in my hair
the windows down and
the radio loud to 80’s
all happiness flew out the window
and I was broken
giving my heart to strangers
and trying to learn how to fly again.
then one night by chance
I met a prince
once again I was drunk on love
and smiled at my sun
and he held my hand
and healed my soul
with flowers and “I love you’s”
and midnight passion in parking lots
I became myself again
not letting go of him for
I clearly hadn’t mastered line breaks yet with this. Also, this is terrible and I manage to reference every boyfriend I had between junior and senior year of high school.
My favorite line is “midnight passion in parking lots” because where else was I going to go make-out?
Untitled (c. unknown, but probably 2001/2002 considering the subject matter)
You pierce my skin with your icy gaze
I pierced my nose in a creative streak
Painted my body with butterflies and ivy
You stole my glory for a cheap high
Now I’m low
stuck in the hole
we dug together
and I’m the one treading water
while you’re still on thin ice, laughing
The knives you use to kill are killing me
Lots of mixed metaphors on this. Don’t ask me how I can be both in a hole (that I dug) and treading water. This isn’t about ice fishing but about a bad news boyfriend I had sophomore year of college.
The day you brought me flowers
was the day you
broke my heart
I used to remind you
endless times of my
Instead you ignored me
I prayed for petals
dreamed of daisies
So plant me a garden of
and I will forever smile
Author’s note: This was written after my senior year boyfriend broke up with me on my graduation vacation. Despite the drama surrounding the breakup, we remained friends.
I’d give anything and everything to fall in love. If it meant to have someone hold my hand, stand up for me, make me feel special and happy, yes, I’d give anything and everything to fall in love. Face it, all my other relationships sucked. I mean I dumped John C. and was dumped by Kyle. I don’t even talk, look, smile at them. Not long to Christmas and my 13th birthday! Mrs. D. is leaving for 3 weeks. Having surgery. If only someone would fall in love with me I’d be happy. Let it be Shorty or Bigmouth or Mark L or a sixth grader- anyone! I don’t care if they are ugly. My sister is a spoiled Brat with a BITCHY attitude. I’m reading Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl. A depressing book for someone who is depressed.
Thoughts on the entry above:
1) Apparently John C. did accept my offer to “go out,” though who knows how long we actually “dated.”
2) I have no idea who Shorty and Bigmouth were. Those are terrible nicknames.
3) Clearly I was depressed and desperate. And a wee bot distraught.
4) I don’t know who Mrs. D was or what she taught.
5) For the record, my sister was not spoiled or a bitch. I think I was the witch in this scenario.