It’s still Monday over here on the West Coast, so there’s still time for a late edition of Mortification Monday.
Monday, the 15th of May, 1995
I had a softball game tonight. We won but we didn’t play well. Last week was a good game. I had my first double play. I was so happy. Yesterday great grandma and grandpa came over. They annoy me but there’s nothing I can do about it. Mom and dad yell a lot. Maybe that’s where I get my bad temper from. Like tonight mom didn’t shut the door to the garage tight and the dog and the cat were in there when dad came home with us. And he was yelling that bugs and a snake were probably in the house. My parents don’t understand how stressed out I get. I’m stressed because I have all these big tests and I need to make straight A’s. They don’t know about what goes on in school. I hurt inside when my teachers, friends, and classmates make jokes or talk about me. They don’t know / how it hurts when they yell, fight and brag/ say things like “Your sister slid home and was safe” or “Your sister won the science fair and got an Exemplary at Districts” or “You should be able to do this math or these chores.” Basically I have n o social life. There are no guys who would call me okay or be friendly with me. I don’t have the looks to make a guy turn his head or smile. Maybe at Lutheridge I can make a pretend life- new name. Make people like me.
I’ve been listening to a lot of We Are Augustines lately. Their songs fit seamlessly into the scenes I’m writing for Valentine and the music blends nicely for the rainy weather that has settled back over for Seattle (time to break out the Bourbon and start a fire in the fireplace and throw some beef stew into the slow cooker). Their songs just sound like how the end of September feels in the Pacific Northwest.
The track “Strange Days,” has a strange pull on me right now.
Put up a fight
Like a ghost ship in the night
Count to 2 count to 3!
And fade away
Said curses to the lord
Count to 4 count to 5!
And sink a ways
You hate yourself
Put the bottle on the shelf
Count to 7 count to 8!
And weep that way
Touching strangers in the dark
Count to 9 count to 10!
And drink all day
The days seem so strange
From my windowpane
Earlier this week I compared Banned Book week to Christmakuh and Mardi Gras. “Show me some skin and I’ll show you where the banned books are. Better yet, keep yourself covered. I’ll still point you to And Tango Makes Three and Harry Potter and Slaughterhouse Five.”
My 2012 BBW display
Nobody thought that was funny.
I love BBW, but I wish people recognized it all year. Idiots are forever challenging books. One day, when my little book baby Lethal is out in the world, I hope idiots challenge it. As Maureen Johnson said, “When a book gets banned or challenged, sales usually go UP, so if your goal is to STAMP IT OUT, your plan has failed.”
I once had a book in my library challenged. It was in my first week at my first librarian job and someone challenged Marguerite Henry’s “Mustang Wild Spirit of the West.” The book stayed in our collection.
My 2012 BBW display
It’s been a busy week, so I rounded up some BBW links of note.
Tom Federle wrote about resistance to his novel received for featuring a gay teen protagonist.
Here’s a map of where people challenge books.
My friend Kelly wrote about a challenge she received. Kelly also wrote about all the book challenges this month over at BookRiot.
Untitled (date unknown)
Why can’t I get over you
you’re a thorn in my side-
the pebble in my shoe
I’m dwelling in melancholy
listening to sad songs
plotting my revenge
I really wish I knew when this was from so I could figure which high school boyfriend this was about.
Today’s entry comes from May, 15th 1995. I confess my grades, my wishes for high school, and bathing suit shopping.
Untitled (July 1999)
These are still about that same boy. You can also read a flash fiction short story loosely based on the breakup on Figment.com.
I miss my lover
my crazy, crazy lover
who can seduce me with his smile
I don’t mind parked cars in empty lots
or making love only in socks in November
Anything is heaven when he is here.
In which I continue to agonize over my crush on Aaron and reference the Oklahoma City Bombing.
I’ve had my fair share of bad days recently. As much as they suck, the really good days wouldn’t feel that way if I hadn’t just experience a shitstorm of sadness.
Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” is a perfect song to play during said shitstorms.
Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day
Bruised Words (c. 2/10/1998)
Drink your coffee
like you’re the last man on earth
smoke your cigarettes
like you’re giving birth
nicotine and coffee
destroy you slowly
and I turn on the TV
to another scandal
beating in the street
can’t drown you out
yelling obscenities at my heart
Notes: There are so many things wrong with this. I just can’t. I’m too busy laugh-crying over here.
This Libertine’s song from 2004 is a perfect start to Volume 3 of the Rejection Playlist. It’s the classic Indie Rock (and Indie Author) anthem.
Oh, you can’t stand me now (No, you can’t stand me now)
You can’t stand me now (Oh, you can’t stand me now)
You can’t stand me now (No, you can’t stand me now)
You can’t stand me now,
You can’t stand me now!
Have we enough to keep it together?
Or do we just keep on pretending
And hope our luck is never ending
You tried to pull the wool, I wasn’t feeling too clever
And you take all that they’re lending
Until you needed mending…