You were never the angel
I swore I saw
just a regular mirage
you are human
so now I hear
I guess I used you to comfort my fears
I was mistaken by my eyes
I guess I believe in my lies
I still love you
and perhaps always will
even if you aren’t a saint
I still believe in your angelic ways
think of our happiness
that lasted seven days
and although you live four states away
I would drive to you in a heart beat
I would be the eternal keeper of your soul
Given the angels
I love you best
I think I just threw up in my mouth. This might be my worst yet.
Me in my college radio days with The Eyeliners (who opened for The Donnas). They are part of the inspiration for the all girl band in my WIP.
I’m about 1/3 of the way through in my rewrites for SECRET HEART and I’m having a fantastic time writing Avery’s band’s (Detonate the Gazelle) scenes. This is one of the songs they cover during their shows.
Tuesday, June 27th
Camp is a positive experience. I enjoy it. I have met great guys and nice people. Plus I’ve grown closer 2 the Lord. My cabin is cool. I like a guy named Nick. He’s tall, blue eyed and freckled. He is at my table and really sweet. I’m friends with Taylor, a nice guy. He’s a pal. No one can be as loyal as he is. He talks about his girlfriend every day. They love each other. I see my sister at meals. She looks like she is having fun. I know I am special and I have one special gift from God: that is my ongoing love to others. I care about them and respect them.
We were hiking and creek walking 2 day. I had fun and the water was cold. It rained yesterday and early this morning. I awoke to falling rain and birds at 6:00. Almost half the week is over. I see Val a lot. She’ cool. So is my counselor. I can talk to her about everything.
Notes: What can I say? I really love camp.
I have my own Catbrarian to oversee my books. And yes, that far shelf does contain 75 Babysitter’s Club books.
My desk includes: Sun lamp, balsam fir candle, Mojo, an inspirational purple cow (gift from writing buddy Alex), Diet Coke, electric tea kettle, revision notes and copy of work in progress. Not pictured: tears of frustration. Revisions are hard!
Liz Phair never said
anything about him
Instead her songs eluded to
what my thoughts were exactly
Anne Sexton was an infamous mistress
she washed off like watercolor
Sometimes I think he is the grime on my car
three weeks thick that the rain can’t erase
Song lyrics and lines from poems
compare nothing to the silence
on the other end of the phone
This was about Mike, my sophomore year in college boyfriend. It was one of those on-again, off-again relationships that was so tumultuous I had to stop talking about it to my friends because they would murder me. Even two years after the breakup he still haunted me.
The Anne Sexton poem I am referring to is my my favorite called “For My Lover Returning to His Wife.” I read it so many times that I still have it memorized over a decade later.
Fun fact: in college I was a DJ. Think Anna Kendrick in Pitch Perfect only not as cute or talented (singing) and the station was basically an converted closet. But I got to host my own shows (Top 21 Countdown, Breakfast Blend Morning Show, Local Music Meltdown, and my longstanding show The Angry Girl Syndrome that featured a 5 o’clock Ani [Difranco} block on Wednesdays). You could only listen to WOSP Osprey Radio at the University of North Florida via campus cable or the web. When I was 19, I was one of two female DJ’s at the station and the campus paper profiled me. I was known as DJ Danny D The shirt says “I Make All the Boys Cry.” By the time I graduated college I was the Station Manager. My radio sign-off was, “I’m Danny D and I’m done. Do your part to increase the peace, make love not war, I’m out the door. See ya.” And then I would end with Lisa Loeb’s “Waiting for Wednesday.”
This is seriously what my desk drawer looks like: tiny bottles of Baileys, rum, chocolate covered cherries, candy bars, Luna and Lara bars, some pink markers. Underneath it all is some tea.
I’m spending the next few weeks holed up in the Revision Cave (a cold and windowless room in my basement that doubles as my office). As you can see, I’ve stocked up snack essentials.