Friday, July 21st 1995
Three weeks ago tonioght I met, fell in love with, and had my first kiss from Jon. Wow. I’m keeping track. The Delgado’s are back and my sister is palying with Steven. We saw two snakes in the creek. I sat on the porch and thought about Jon and camp and about next year if I see him again at camp. I know it sounds pathetic-all the things I’ve written in here about John, but as you see I really like him. Tomorrow is the Braves game, then on Sunday we go home to Florida! I’ll get to see Willow, Charcoal, and see if I got mail from my friend from camp.
I never realized that my eyes are green-gold and my heair gets a reddish tint to it every now and then. We went to a craft fair and shopped. I got these name keychains for Val and me and a Braves shirt (David Justice #23). At a hardware store we went to this old guy followed me around to make sure I didn’t steal anything. Like I’d steal anything. I mean get a life! Got 2 go.
Ps-My sister gave me beef jerky.
I think the PS-Beef Jerky thing was so important because I was supposed to be a vegetarian.
Used to be “Life of the Party”
laughing and drinking
away the pain
and now I’m sober and thinking
what a waste
my views changed
a little deranged
Now I’m a little depressed
just call me compulsive and obsessed
it ain’t that bad
just the best days I’d ever have
I was 17 and had never had a drink when I wrote this. Not sure if it was a bad poem or the start to a crappy song
That time in 2012 when I sampled every beer on the Naked City menu on a Monday night. Tuesday was rough.
Thursday, July, 20th 1995
My favorite thing to do is sit in a rocker or swing and think. I like to do it at night when the lightning bugs come out or any part of the day. Sometimes I pretend that Jon is by my side, but usually I think about him or camp. Sometimes I dream that it’s just Jon and me up here, We talk or I sing. I’ve been making up songs lately. They don’t make sense but I don’t care. I’ve come to realize that I am beautiful. I may be beautiful to some and not to others. Jon thinks I’m beautiful and that’s all that matters. I hope he wrote me back and doesn’t think I’m crazy. I just explain how I feel. He can take it or leave it. I wish I could see him. I dream that he’ll come walking down the street and we’ll run to each other and embrace. And we’ll have this long, passionate kiss. I dream bout him at night. I think I’m really in love.
Remember c. June 1999
Rememeber that time you made love to me
in the forest in Decemeber?
Remember when we were caught by the cops
for stealing kisses in January?
Remember holding me while I cried on Valentine’s Day?
Remember our road trip in march?
Remember our 6 month promise in April?
Remember the night we danced to our song in May?
And remember in June when you decided we should be friends
even though I loved you?
Tuesday, July 18th
I’m happy- I love it here , I’m in love, I’m in love. Good evening world-I love you. We played in the creek (Dad got some pictures of me on the rocks) and we car hiked. That was okay, but we met this old guy then went to this ugly ‘ole restaurant where they had okay food and the best peanut butter pie and they played country music. I took a quiet walk/hike. I’ve taken a lot of them, mainly to think of Jon and growing up and songs and stuff. We visited the people down the road (the ones with the two sons). Steven (the 11 year old) and my sister played and I talked with the adults about country music, baseball, the cabin. They called me Martina McBride. They live in Atlanta. My fav thing to do here at night is to lay on the swing listening to the familiar creeks of the the swing, the crickets, and the creek. I look at the stars and make a wish. I dream about Jon and the cabin. I watch the fireflies and remember the times I’d had at the cabin.
Monday, July 17th
My sister isn’t feeling well. She has a stomach virus or something. Daddy and I went for a car hike, while mom stayed home with my sister. We looked for a road where the creek runs by and we could put the tubes in. We drove around some old mountain roads. I saw 10 Baptist churches, a chicken farm, cornfields, and gorgeous mountains. Daddy and I did some errands and I bought some tapes to send vocal messages to Valerie and Jo and whoever else. I also bought a Brave hat. I still am acting nice. We tubed down the creek and me and some people who bought a cabin down the road. They have two sons – 11 and 15. Daddy gave me a hard time about the 15 year old. Luckily he isn’t here. I really don’t care since I have Jon, but I’ve had some pretty weird thoughts about the 15 y.o. I hope Jon doesn’t think I’m a nut. I just wrote what I felt and they were pretty deep. He probably doesn’t want to ever write me again. I don’t blame him. Everyone is is getting on my nerves.I want to scream. Lord do I need some time alone. I’m mad at mom because she uses a tone of voice I hate, then says stuff that makes me angry. Dad because he had gas attacks right near me when he he knows I can’t stand it when people make smells near me and he told me I was walking too far ahead. I was 10 steps ahead of my sister because she is doing things to aggravate me and is nosy and AHHHH!! It is so hard to be nice. All I want to do is yell.
Writing Poetry During Chruch c.12/15/99
They do not understand
why I paint with words
on scraps of paper
They have not yet heard me speak