This entry is especially dorky.
Saturday, June 17th, 1995
Everyone has their own dreams; some choose to live them, while others let them live in their mind. I dream that one day I’ll have a loving husband and family. I’ll have happiness and a peace within myself. I want to run in the wind like a wild horse. I want to dance in the rain I want to feel, breathe, and be in love. I hope to experience the thrill of life, to live life to the fullest. Valerie wrote me. In one week I’ll be leaving for camp. I can’t wait. I hope I meet a guy and maybe fall in love with him. I can’t wait to see Valerie. I’ve already gotten my things together. I went to Nana and Papa’s house. I saw my Aunt and uncle and cousin. I swam.
Friday, June 16th 1995
I still haven’t called Jenn or Tiff yet. I haven’t had time yet. We went to Disney World for two days. I had fun. We created enough memories to last a lifetime. I saw a really, well kinda cute, guy. I smiled at him and he looked away. He kept looking at me but he didn’t even speak English. There were plenty of cute guys there with their families.
I wish/ want a lot of things:
- a boyfriend
- a carefree life
- to fall in love
I’m babysitting Travis tonight and tomorrow night.
At least I accomplished three of my four goals. “A carefree life” doesn’t really exist after 14. Then you have to deal with jobs and college and living on your own and not setting the kitchen on fire when cooking (my mom did this before she was married) and paying a mortgage or rent and saving for retirement and….
I know I claimed to have created memories to last a lifetime on that visit to Disney World (aside from Space Mountain, DW is hell on Earth) but nearly 19 years later and I’ve retained NONE of them.
Monday, June 12th, 1995
“The World is a giant crystal ball. There are visions of hope, love, happiness, and despair, hate, anger and death. We control those things by our actions. We control our future.”- I thought if that. Today was the first Monday of summer vacation. I got up at 7 and went jogging. I mailed a letter to Valerie and I babysat. Willow is having her claws removed. I cleaned my sister’s closet. It is raining now.; the summer storms Florida is known for are here. I like the rain. It refreshes the earth. My sister and I get along most of the time. Dad is cool. I mean it. He played one of my fav rock n’roll songs. I tried to tan today. I have a secret. I know I’ve told you before- I like to read romance novels, preferably the cheap supermarket kind. I live a happy life. But I wish Jenn and Tiffany would understand me. I’m going to apologize to them tomorrow.
1. Here I am talking about the weather again like the nerd I am. Is Florida even really known for summer storms? Fun fact: in the 6th grade I wanted to be a Meteorologist and I was obsessed with weather.
2. I think the song I am referring to is either Pearl Jam’s “Daughter” or Rush’s “Time Stands Still.”
3. I cleaned my sister’s closet. Still a nerd.
4. I was obsessed with Harlequin romance novels starting at about age 11, always reading them in secret. It’s how I learned about sex considering how I was always “sick” for the sex-ed days in school (seriously. I got sick a lot). Fun fact: I still love a good romance novel, especially one by Sarah Mayberry, Victoria Dahl or Kristan Higgins.
5. Lastly, when did I start reading self-help books?
Running Away (2/11/1998)
I slip away
down the street
to my sanity
Notes: More magnetic poetry poems! I actually like this one.