In honor of my birthday (yesterday), my critique partner and writing comrade LK is contributing to the collective mortification of this blog.
LK writes, “In honor of your birthday week, here is an embarrassing poem I wrotein high school, when I lived in France, about my pseudo-boyfriend, for your blog (stream of consciousness was my JAM):
egoboys and glittergirls
you talk or you don’t talk to me or you kiss me closer to my lips and
whisper. yes you kiss me closer to my lips and whisper like the wind
on hot california nights like golf clubs cutting grass like fallen
handstands like jeans brushing inner thighs when beautifully unthin
girls walk when I walk, unthin, beautifully yes you whisper like that.
no words. not for me not between us each other no nothing but closer
kisses and beautiful whispers and heat in my stomach heat in my
stomach to keep my hands warm my desire makes you beautiful I make
you, beautifully, in my heat my desire my stillness my swearing my
giggles which you don’t find funny so I laugh and you walk away but I
laugh because we have to laugh at ourselves because we have to laugh
because I haven’t anything else to say because my words are wasted on
genericisms news updates and other useless things wasted on translated
amputated thoughts of my madness. love love love I want to say
infinite joy. but it doesn’t belong to me my words are wasted and we
have to laugh at ourselves and we have to chose our words carefully
otherwise I might not say what I wanted you to hear my dear.
I am dancing now a glittering tinseltown universe of sweat and hugo
boss and Malibu and Coke and dancing now blue gold multicolored
glitter: instructions in english sprinkle lightly or dump liberally
and turn her into a glittering girl dancing now turn her into a
constellation of sweat and lust dancing now turn her into an Object of
Desire for egoboys who don’t talk but kiss closer and whisper turn her
into the arms of boys in dreams before sleep in wishes in lips kissing
closer, closer kissing beautifully beautiful lips smiling egoboy
smiles, arms tangled in glitter in tears in deserts in cities in
dreams before sleep in dancing glittering girls who have nothing to
say. i choose my words carefully i choose to be dancing now.
not years ago, dancing underwater with my sister breathing bubbles and
screaming slowly through liquid like “did you understand what I said?”
laughing she read my lips we screamed slowly underwater in potbellies
in sunshine in froggy bathing suits to make sure we understood. here.
stood here screaming slowly i’m just prolonging the
incomprehensibility of it all, the whispers of egoboys like unthin
girls jeans and i’m kissing you closer, beautifully, you who aren’t
sure if i’m shy or dancing or drunk drinking whispers and kisses and
Malibu where the sun shines and the moon is a hundred broken glass
moons floating out to sea.
Notes: LK- that jam was better than all of my middle school jelly. Thank you!